Gratitude From the 10th Floor
This morning I awoke with a heavy heart, thinking about everything I have witnessed in the past seven days. There are twenty beds in our unit. Every story is different. Yet I can plainly distinguish one common thread, which runs through each of these stories I have come to understand during our stay at Hopkins...immeasurable love for a child.
I am grateful for the warm camaraderie amongst the parents in our little corner of the hospital. Our smiles are the silent conversations we engage in as we pass each other in the halls. A comforting hug has made all the difference in the world...especially when you are on the verge of tears or see another mother desperately trying to hold herself together. A listening heart comprehending the anguish can only be unburdened when our children are out of earshot. Leaving extra food in the kitchen and placing another parent's name on it...because you know they have not had an extra ten minutes to prepare something. It is truly the little things that mean the most.
One girl, the same age as Jayde-Rhiannon, has been here six weeks. Another, only a week...though both girls have spent much of their lives in and out of doctor's offices and hospitals. The first is cared for by her single mother, who only leaves the hospital campus to attend work. The second is cared for by her 73-year-old great-grandmother, who worries about who will care for her grandbaby if something should happen to her.
I feel abundantly blessed to have an amazing support system.
Each evening Nick checks in to see how Jayde is doing. It brings a smile to her face when I tell her, "Uncle Nick is checking in on us." Amongst his questions, last night was, "How's mom doing?" I hate long texts. Instead, I give a short reply. The truth is, I haven't stopped much to think about how I am doing or to name the varying array of emotions running rampant in my body. I am on Momma Bear autopilot. My mission is to survive the current day, so I may witness Jayde's progress the next day. This is not the time or place for high-maintenance. Hairclips, ponytails, yoga pants, and no makeup are the dress code. It is easy and simple, allowing me more time to focus on the only person who matters...Jayde.
Yesterday my parents visited, toting along a cooler full of food. Mom and I took a walk to find Jayde a smoothie. Leaving Jayde under the watchful eye of my dad and his bad jokes. When I step onto the elevator to leave the 10th floor, I will remember I need to take a deep breath and relax.
Jayde's adorable boyfriend Brennen visited for eight hours yesterday. His Momma Bear drove him two hours each way, so he could spend time snuggling with Jayde, playing bingo with us, and pushing her around in the wheelchair. The smile on my Baby Girl's face was priceless. It is a wonder her cheeks do not hurt today.
Brady has been a rock for his little sister. They are eagerly planning their next concert adventure. I do not know what I would do without my Bud.
Then there is Jackson...there are not enough positive adjectives in the English language to describe this amazing man, who I am fortunate to call my husband.
It takes a village, and while our village may be small - they are mighty.
Today is day seven. Only God knows, and only time will tell what today holds. Yesterday was our best day thus far...but today has only just begun.
Jayde and I lay three feet from each other. I hear her little voice, "I'm hungry." Her words and that beautiful voice are music to my ears. We are one step closer to Plank Road. Maybe as early as tonight.