Showing posts from July, 2020

Sometimes Mamma Bear Needs to Make an Appearance

  This morning Jayde-Rhiannon and I spent an hour and a half with her primary care physician. During a phone call with my mom on Tuesday night, she inquired about Jayde's upcoming visit. I told her, "If you hear an explosion coming from the Cracker Barrel area of town, no worries, it is just your daughter." She laughed but wholly understood. Thankfully there was no big explosion, just two much-needed mini outbursts - one from Jayde, the other from me. After Jayde informed her doctor, she did not feel she was receiving proper care. I went into great detail regarding the mismanagement of her health from almost all physicians involved. I finished with, "I am watching my daughter wither away right before my eyes. Either you will be the doctor who figures this out while helping her heal, or we will find a doctor who will. If this is out of your scope of expertise or you are too booked to take time to focus on Jayde thoroughly, please speak up so we can find someone who

In A Perfect World, There Would be More Answers and Less Questions

  I am beyond grateful to have my sister, mom, aunt, and mother-in-law's constant contact and their help behind the scenes, being my pillars, supporting me so that I can better support Jayde. It truly does take a village, and these women are my tribe. I know my post from last night was not easy to read. It was challenging to write and share. Yesterday was mentally and emotionally messy. In life, sometimes, you need to create more chaos to clean up the original mess. Jayde is still struggling to process everything happening inside her body right now, but she is mentally doing somewhat better. Witnessing lifeline helicopters flying in and out, at all hours of the day and night, helps keep her current circumstance in perspective. Regardless, we are secure in knowing she is where she needs to be to receive the best possible care. To help everyone following Jayde-Rhiannon's journey better understand how we arrived here, she has lost twenty-four pounds in the last three to four mon

The Patient is Understandably Impatient

  *Update from the 10th floor* From the windows of the 10 th  floor, I watch from above as the world continues to turn. People living their lives, I continue wishing against all odds my daughter was one of those people. How do you help someone who is losing the desire to help themselves? How do you force someone to continue to fight when they have fought so hard, for so long, that the fight is all they can now remember. In healthcare, there can be no shortcuts. It is a long exhausting road. Today this is where we are. A hospital is the last place any parent wants to be with their child. I want to see my daughter dressed like a princess, going off to her senior prom. I want to see her driving off while experiencing butterflies because she is finally driving. I want to watch her walk across a stage and be handed her diploma. Covid did not postpone these events in her life. POTS, EDS, and SMAS, have stolen these milestones from her past, her present and threaten the shreds of hope

Some Things in Life You Cannot Prepare For

*Update from the 10th floor* Covid has eerily slowed the pace, yet the smells, the sights, the sounds, the walls - they are all too familiar. The body remembers what the mind attempts to bury. The memories prompt an unnerving yet comforting feeling. I know she will receive the best possible care in this building, though, after years of fighting an apathetic medical system, my guard is unwavering. Early in the day, on Saturday, Chris, Jayde-Rhiannon, and I were having an emotional conversation. Jayde has not been doing well since last October. Every bit of weight she gained after her surgery, from two years ago, and then some is now gone. Her heart rate, which was once stabilized by her medication, bounces from 55 to 185. The once tolerable pain she encounters every day has become unmanageable. Now weighing 88 pounds and feeling quite weak, she relays she feels guilty that I still need to take care of her. I responded, "I am your mom. This is what I do. You have NOTHING to feel