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Showing posts from July, 2018

When Giving Up Is Not An Option

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There they are, the words I am not supposed to utter. Nonetheless, the unspeakable phrase comes rushing out of my mouth. Fortunately, my daughter and I are at opposite ends of the house, she is safely out of ear shot when I screech, “I GIVE UP!” I am unable to re-cork my explosion of words. Instantly regretting my emotionally charged outburst, as it becomes a cloud of guilt cascading over me like a waterfall. Though it can be daunting, caring for a chronically ill child requires you to keep your wits and maintain composure whenever possible. You learn to master the art of squashing, the varying emotions, deep below the surface. Even when it feels most impossible, somehow you learn to figure it out and it becomes your new norm. I walk out onto our deck, allowing the necessary tears to fall, collecting myself before I re-enter our home.

A few days prior to my outburst I sat in our living room, with my phone on speaker, discussing the latest test results with my daughter's cardiologis…