Always read the fine print

Yesterday was the usual…a doctor’s appointment (this time for me, woohoo!), dinner out with my Baby Girl, then a little shopping. Jayde-Rhiannon wanted to take her bargain-shopping queen of a mamma into Marshalls. After two hours and a basket full of treasures…we were done. No, I am not going to divulge the total…Chris has still not seen the receipt, but every item was necessary, and we saved a lot of money. Of course, during our shopping escapade, we could not forget our furbabies. Jayde and I were so excited to find a cute little scratching post for our feline zoo. Because the seven-foot tower in our living room, the corner of our custom-made sofa, and a few door frames are not merely sufficient to sharpen the tiny little daggers on their feet. Every day with the Jackson Pride is an adventure. For the most part, all “six” of them are cute, fluffy extensions of our family, and we spoil them whenever we can.

Every cat was enthralled with the new toy. After witnessing their enthusiasm, I told Chris, “I should have bought two.” Even our most timid feline diva, Carnie, was enchanted by the newest addition to their kitty palace...otherwise known as our home. After further observation, I instructed Chris to find the matching piece for our little darling’s playground. In our home, there are not many things, which are off-limits to our furbabies. However, when certain items are, every member of the pride spontaneously becomes creative little geniuses. For example, we have learned to never leave a box of Entenmann’s Raspberry Danish out on the counter overnight. By morning, the empty box will be lying on the kitchen floor while our little angels are peacefully sleeping…with full bellies. Leaving us with no idea what could have happened to the box of danish, which resembles a lion’s toy...used and discarded. The same thing applies to any form of bread, though their preference is potato rolls. Our furbabies are so intelligent they can turn anything into a cat toy…the only requirement is the item must be left sitting on a table or counter…bathroom or kitchen. They have no preference, AND, while in a state of play, the item must be able to fit under our stove. I never know what treasures I will find during my weekly cleaning.

One of my recent projects is reorganizing my shoe collection. Yes, I said collection. Hi, I am Kellie, and I am a shoe addict…in all fairness, I am a product of my Aunt Sharon's making. The numbers hover in the low triple digits. On the record, that is all I am willing to disclose. Now, thankfully, unlike dogs, our cats are not much for shoes. However, they do seem to target Chris’s footwear when they need to expel a furball. Anyways, back to the organizing part. I have some boxes neatly stacked in the corner of our bedroom. In the craziness of the last several weeks, the stack has remained untouched…until this morning. After being awakened around 7 A.M…by most of the pride racing up and down the hall, like a herd of elephants running from a mouse…I drifted back to sleep, not giving much thought to the cause of the stampede. Until about 9:30, when I heard an odd rustling sound that would not stop...even after I threw a pillow in the general direction of the strange noise. Somewhere between the stampede and the rustling, I also heard a crash. I could distinguish no glass or ceramic was broken in the crash—therefore no need to disturb my slumber by immediately investigating. Now wide awake, I turned on the light to discover the source of the unfamiliar sound. Only to find three of our feline ninjas in the middle of my fallen tower of shoe boxes, rolling around in the papers once protecting my precious collection. All giving me a look as if to say, “What, we didn’t do anything?!?” While they proceeded to frolic in my pile of shoes.

The offending item
The offending item

It did not take long for me to realize this morning’s dose of craziness was brought to us via catnip. Unbeknownst to me, the new scratching post was filled with it. Now, after almost thirty years of having cats, I have learned how and when to dispense catnip OR catnip toys. Although when an item does not contain a warning label stating that the said item contains catnip in it…or when I overlook the fine print…I find out the hard way. 

For those unfortunate not to have cats or have never dealt with Catnip, it is that oh-so-pleasant herb that lulls cats into a state of serenity before transforming them into a bunch of little ninja assholes. The name Catnip is a gross misrepresentation of what the green flaky substance actually is. The “harmless” herb should be named Kitty Crack!

No cats were harmed in the making of this story…as for my shoes, well……

The moral of this story…ALWAYS read the fine print.

When a ninja crashes from kitty crack


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