Bullying — The Not So Silent Epidemic

 

***POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING***

This content speaks of the effects of bullying, leading to self-harm and suicide

**The picture below is eight years old, and the individual is safe.**

Today, a family in Utah is reeling from an unimaginable nightmare, one from which they will never awaken. They would give anything to see their son reach 20 years old, but that will never happen because a bully's grasp was too cruel and too strong. 

I write about what I know. My words always flow from within, but this topic still breaks my heart a decade later. I think maybe it was supposed to be that way, so that when I read a post from a dear friend on the other side of the country, as so many do, I did not merely keep scrolling and say, "It's not my problem."

I would be the first to say, I think your child becoming the victim of bullying is one of the many topics I believe parents wish they knew nothing about. Unfortunately, that is why too many children across our country are still suffering in silence.

I understand the above photo is disturbing, but I don't believe it is possible to be more unnerved than when I discovered the war zone on my twelve-year-old daughter's arm in 2014. Our daughter, Jayde, endured three years of bullying in elementary school. After her inept guidance counselor told me too many times, "This is typical behavior for girls of this age. You are overreacting." I finally exclaimed to her, "Tell me I am overreacting when it is your child coming home in tears almost every day." I stormed out of her office and never returned. Instead, I remained vigilant, keeping my eyes and ears open. Or at least I thought I did.

We worry about Covid and a multitude of other forces and factors harming our children, rarely stopping to understand how the words of others shape and damage their fragile hearts and undeveloped minds.

Jayde's first few months of middle school became too much. The physical, verbal, and emotional abuse at the hands of her peers and a particular math teacher took its toll. She chose to cut and burn her arm to control the pain her young mind and heart could not understand or bear. I was furious at the teachers in her middle school for turning a blind eye. A part of me still is. However, with time, I've grown more concerned that adults are conditioned to such intolerable behavior.

After raising a son with mental illness, I believed I would see the signs if my daughter was in trouble. In the rearview mirror, I had seen them, but I didn't recognize them then. I suddenly realized the constant sweaters and hoodies were not because she was cold, but a disguise, so Chris and I could not see the pain she went to great lengths to hide. Her once-open, talkative nature was now reserved and quiet. No amount of prying opened what had become a sealed vault. I regrettably assumed her abnormal combative nature was pre-teen hormones. She still gave us just the right amount of that beautiful smile for us to believe nothing out of the ordinary was wrong.

The day the lightbulb went on for me was devastating. As calculating as I was in my pursuit of the truth, I was not prepared for what I would discover. Though Jayde was angry with me for uncovering her secret, I knew some part of her was relieved that she no longer had to hide her pain. As the days and weeks passed and Jayde revealed more of the truth, I was grateful my discovery had not come a few months later or in a worse form. I consider myself one of the fortunate ones.

Sadly, there are children whose home lives create the perfect bullies. Then some children are mean because no one will stop them. Regardless, no parent should have to bury their son or daughter because the cruelty-induced pain was too much for their child to bear.

As much as I wish my children were still young, every day I realize how grateful I am that they are no longer in school. A place I believed they were safe, was simply a haven for cruelty. 

When a senseless school shooting occurs, the tragedy is discussed without end. The catastrophic event and its victims are remembered. As they should be. The shooter is typically recognized as the eccentric or odd child, the bullied kid.

Last week, a family senselessly lost their son, and it had nothing to do with a firearm. His name is not recognized nationwide. Nonetheless, he was known to those who loved him. Though no school shooting was involved, the outcome was just as devastating. His name was Drayke Hardman. He was twelve years old. This is the devastating reality of bullying.

I am constantly reading memes and posts, "Be kind. You never know what someone is going through." I cannot fathom anyone deliberately and intentionally being cruel to a child. Yet it occurs in hallways, locker rooms, classrooms, and buses across America every day. The effects of bullying are real. Scars quietly fade with time, but suicide is forever.

If we, as adults, parents, and educators, do not stop the bullying, who will? 

#doitfordrayke #jrsjourney #bullying  #beapartofthesolution #bekind #knowthesigns